Reflections on a Friday night
Was having lunch in sch with my classmates as well as some friends from business sch. Sch was filled with loads of police, apparently i guess they have something going on in the auditorium. never felt so safe. haa.. And right, and during lunch, the guys were gossiping abt some bimbos in my lect grp and the girls did the same thing abt the guys. Talking behind somebody’s back is an enemy’s trait and a friend’s venom, don't they just ever think of how the other person feels, if by any chance they get to hear that? and whoever says gossip is healthy? think abt it, gossip hurts..
Went swimming in school after my very light lunch, yea it was just 2 sandwiches and hot tea. Didn't feel like eating much, the sight of food really makes me wanna throw up most of the time. can anyone tell me what illness that is? The sun was burning hot, not that i really like swimming at 12+ in the afternoon, but i knew i had to get my stamina back. Even though the competition was over, more of it is coming up real soon. On monday, i was meeting a friend at my sch stadium, and i saw the atheletics training and it make me realise how slow and weak i can get. Saw the girls on track in blasting speed of a gazelle? *ashamed * filled with awe....Run, run run!! 7 hours more or less, i'll be running at mac-ritchie.
After 2 hours of swimming, went to meet Edwin at woodlands library to study. While travelling on the train from yck, thoughts just ran through my mind like i mention, i'm thinking all the time. Right infront of me was this two rjc girls, both of them were reading a thick stack of notes, trying to memorise some of the facts i guess. It was obvious with them covering the notes, looking up and mumbling. Stress was the word that seem to spread across their faces. Just then, one of their hp beep. A sms. It was just like a the dark, gloomy clouds has sailed across and a wide smile followed. I was curious actually what was on her msg..haa.. and then i thought, do i appear that way too when i read a sms? I think most of the time, a msg has been a simple and quick way of showing concern and communicating. And over the weeks, when i was on the pretty dark side of my life, i recalled receiving msges that somehow encourage me, e words of care and just wanna say thanks to you pple.
At the library, Edwin received a call, it was his mum asking if i would like to teach another student. Without hesitation, i agreed. Now thinking back i wonder if i'm gonna regret. Why? i agreed, cos recently i stop teaching a student cos she was overly busy with her sch cca etc, that she seem no bit of interest in her work. Her mum didn't wanna force her either so there leaves me with 2 students. Right after i agree, his mum told me in chinese, " mei ge ren jiao ta bu dao liang ge yue jiu qi zhou le ( no one stays more than 3 mths teaching her )" Gosh.. stoned. can i take back my words? i guess i'll just give it a try, and hopefully things dun turn out that bad. it won't right? my bad experience with tutoring a girl. wonder what's gonna be like.
I had a chat with timothy in msn earlier, i realise how similar we can get in terms of the way we think and so on, which is pretty good. Though, we don't really know each other that well, but i feel comfortable communicating to him. Talk about cyber friends? I've lots to go on that. wait a minute, i guess i better finished up my project, i've just barely less than 7 hours.
I'm finally done with it It's 6.15am in the morning! *strrrretchhh* so i've an hour plus before my jog and after which my long hours of tuition will follow. There is goes, i've tuition at 11-1pm , 1-2.30pm, and 3.30-5.30pm. The last one has gotta be the new student. After which i've to rush for work which is at 6.30pm. Looks like it's really round the clock. This weekend, gonna look after my cousins as my uncle and aunt will be out of town again. with my parents.
With regards to the comments of the previous 2 entries, i've read it, i thought i'll put my comments to it here..
These few weeks have been nothing less than a rush of blood to the head..firstly, i was never in a relationship, so naturally i won't be heart-broken but indeed i was. It was because during this crossroad of my life, when turning back is never an option and looking forward needed courage i've yet to build in me. I won't exactly talk about it much here, as it gets too personal and furthermore i don't want the other party/parties to know how i'm feeling. i've just been someone foolish who's constantly involved in somethings that never seems to be there. The lyrics kinda expresses how i feel, that's why the translation. Everyone urges me to relate my problems etc... to me, it's a damn difficult thing to do, all these while i've not actually been able to open myself up. i mean you don't go grab someone and start uttering your problems to them. But i realise something, I don’t want to change. That very thought of it, was just fear that captures every bit of me.
I remember feeling just as confused last year. I don't feel its something new with all that tangled mess of emotions i have within me. However, what's new is the problems i'm facing. Some are accumulated from last year and some are picked up along the way. I wonder why i'm holding to problems like i do when i never wanna let go a friendship. All these while i think the problem lies with me as well, i was afraid of change and i hate being in the shadow's of somebody else. True enough, i might have a possible solution to all these, but i'm just too fearful, too afraid of taking it, cos i knew if i do, i may have to change. I know, admit that pple hate me because of the decisions i make and so on.. people don’t really understand the full story sometimes, and that’s why. No one can make you change except yourself – and I know exactly how I’m turning out. Being over-hurt and the silent me who always sit at a corner and strums the guitar in the lonely hours of the night still remains. It's time for a change. I don’t deny that; every single entry is hardly anything that seems vibrant or sunny. I seem as if I have a overcast mind, constantly filled with depressing thoughts and over-emotional actions. That's me, at least for the time being. I recall browsing through my journals and realise how hard my life had hit on me, and the amount of diaries - 21 diaries accumulated and still counting.
In the midst of all these disspointments and dark hours, i'm just hoping to see a beacon of hope. A signaling lighthouse, as my source of guidance. I prayed.
Winamp playing : Jay - ni ting de dao
`amazingly, if you playback this song at 1.36min, you can hear him singing "zhi you ni ting de dao". Kinda eerie huh? but tat is damn cool. but of cos u gotta have the player to do that i tink.
