The weather, had been in erratic havoc all day. Feeling all so cold, especially now that i'm quite nervous since an hour plus later i'll be getting my semestral results.

The first day after exams ended, yesterday i didn't go clubbing because my mood just ain't tuned in for the clubbing night, and neither did i go for dance cos it was too late by the time. I ended up at home watching some shows and pampering myself with some brownies. Today, the weather spoils my plan of playing tennis with James and Jeremy. The two professional JJs. =p I wasn't in the mood for activities with my friends, since there was something that i was worried about - my results - for the moment. The day's sailing by so slowly, i'm getting more nervous. Ohh!

pray for me, mel and everyone who's taking their results at 12am.

Physics design paper's over. Strangely interesting. Entry's gonna be long, let me rant. :)

Days before, i managed an unexpectedly interesting conversation over the msn with gloria after a year. She mentioned that i can easily understand her. She described herself as a blank sheet of paper and i've no problem knowing what's on her mind, her feelings. I ponder over her words because deep inside me i know i don't understand her at all. Two years before, the very last year, i don't forsee any barriers building between us. So much of me wanted to be back like last time. People says as time passed, things changed, we can't be what we are before. What do you think? I used to think if we want something, we should not like our pride rule over us. However, she told me that she can't let her pride down, she's not use to giving in to people. Being naive as always, i always thought if we try to put in effort in a friendship, things will work out. Why is it that when people know their flaws, and why aren't they changing for the better? I tried to put myself in her shoes as being the only child, receiving the beauty of everything in life, but i just can't understand. Part of me is very tired in putting the consious efforts all the time. The other part of me doesn't want to let go this friendship. I know if i do not carry on initiating a conversation, continue to be what a friend should be, this friendship will slowly fade in a blink of an eye. Whoever is reading this will tell me : " what's the point of having such a friend then?" Perhaps, she had once been a really good friend.

My very last paper ends tomorrow. Unexpectedly no whoop of joys this time. i was asked to join some of my cjc friends for clubbing tomorrow. The way they club and party and drink and toast and chortle the weekend away into a blissful blare. Maybe i should for once or maybe i should go join the guys at dance. Talking about dance, it's been months since i last felt the intense movement of my body sway with the music. This time for a change, a little of hip-hop. I've never tried hip-hop cause i wasn't much of a rap person, neither can i break dance exceptionally well. But there's always a beginning for everything. I wonder if this exam periods have last for a ridiculous long month thats why i'm feeling all immune. I should be excited, overwhelmed, and hogging on phone with friends planning the next few days activities, but i'm not. Or could it be that my semestral results gonna be out soon?

Today, i went home. I started playing on my piano, no specific pieces, i just played the way i let my fingers decide its move. They say music and the heart are inter-connected, i realised that. And as i continue playing, my mind is filled with the silhouette that I'm thinking of. Right now, my fingertips have already become calloused from all that playing.

I see everyone's packed with excitement to see Elaine. I've second thoughts about going now. Afterall she will be here for half a year, so no rush. I thought i should be meeting my dad instead. A very unlikely move i picture afterall i was never the one who take the first step to meet him unless he calls. I will be leaving for Australia next week if everything goes well. I hoped.

Swiftly as time passes, we're gonna step into the last month of the year. Like previous years, i always have this perception on the very last day of the year. That is, the feeling that the storm had blown out to sea at last, and my life, the place's was yellow with sunlight.

Val: Enjoy ya trip to Australia on Friday! cheerss! :)

Physics Marathon

Just came home after two days of physics at Mark's house. His parents went overseas and we have the whole house to ourselves. A very big study room with 5 desks, no idea why he needs 5 desks but it was just enough for us! Paul, Shawn, and MingShun was there too! I must said it was a fruitful one, i managed to clear my doubts with their help as well as finished a number of prelims paper. Nevertheless, the time spend over debating some challenging problems were pretty interesting. Tomorrow's the paper am quite excited about it! i hope i'll do well.

Meanwhile i think i gonna take a short nap and continue my revision before i head for the gym!

Winamp playing : b44- endlessly

In the midst of exams

don't ask me why i put up this, but i just like this pic when i first look at it! Gives me a very serene, secure feeling and that's why i added the words.

physics paper will be next. Jumps Jumps! 2 more weeks end of As! whoo! Adventure camp! horray!

visited the studio yesterday, was getting more interested to learn more about studio photography. Never thought it was so tough. Am so impressed!

Home with raine today, am irritating her with my whole chunk of blabberings of physics. oh i'm so much in love with physics! waiting for dinner. :)

It's what you see that stays, not what you feel ?

Yesterday i was out studying with nick at burger king at marina, went to the library late and couldn't grab a seat during this study-peak period. Today's was the first paper, i just can't wait for my semestral exams to end and i'll have one burden off me. I was thinking to do a new layout as i've always wanted to, just can't seem to find the time. I know i will one day. After hours of studying yesterday, i went for a walk around Suntec city with Nick and Jeslyn who joined us later.

While i was walking in Carrefour, i heard this little boy who was screaming, followed by loud cries. He was pleading his mum to buy this toy ( sort of like a gameboy) or wat sort. But the mum just ignored him and said ' we'll have to go buy kor kor's shoes, so you can have his shoes now' Well, i too came across that, being the youngest in the family, i always get the old pair of sneakers of my brother's when he get brand new ones. Back then, i just thought ' i just never wanna be wearing his shoes, i want new new new shoes!' But never did i , only till i became older, old enough to get my first pair of shoes with my savings. Since young, i never wanna be in my brother's shoes. The thing is we're different, we have different taste, which is true, we lead different lifestyle, we pursue different things. However strangely enough, i seem to be living in the shadow of his. Just like how i always get to wear his old shoes. Perhaps he was indeed a good role model, but what i want others to see me is for who i am not who they want me to be. Is that just so difficult?

Monday evening , after a straight 7 hours of studying , i went for a stroll along esplanade. Once again, i begin to start sketching, not of the place, just my thoughts. It was one of those ways, i released the stress in me. During the process of drawing, i saw this tall, strong-build, be-spectacled guy standing just right infront of me. He looks familiar and I started to recall, and learnt that it was my sister's boyfriend, i met at my workplace. He's was alone i assume. He came over to talk to me, everything was fine just that i didn't really like the sight of him. A little bit of arrogance, and probably his 'fake-accent' all rolled into one. He was the one doing the talking , since i didn't have anything much to talk to him about. He starts talking about my sister. I'm not the one to judge but least i thought he's just not the one for my sister, in comparison with my sis ex-bf. There were silence between us for a long time and he suddenly said, 'your sis spoke alot to me about you' I replied, ' nothing nice i believe'. Silence again. This time, i just didn't wanna hear anymore, slung my bag across and stand to leave. He stood up too. With his accent again , he raised his voice ' don't be a coward, you idiot!' I pushed his hand away and to my amaze when i turned back i saw my sister. I knew it needed no explanation for my last action, afterall i was never given a chance to explain. I left with the picture of my sis's angry face still in my mind. That was all in her eyes, and i knew it was - hatred.

Suddenly, little things like that didn't mattered as much as before. I use to try hard to explain myself, but as things builds up, i just let it be for i know ' That was all in her eyes'

I read about this and decided to share.

Picture the funeral. Look at the mourners. Some did not even know me well, yet they came. Why? did you ever wonder? Why people gather when others die? Why people feel they should?
" It is because the human spirit knows, deep down, that all lives intersect. That death doesn't just take someone, it misses someone else, and in the small distance between being taken and being missed , lives are changes.

Time to go for work and then tuition. Meanwhile, all the best to those taking exams.


Winamp playing : My self-composed piano remix

A beginning Or An ending ?

Oh boy! I'm missing my blog lots, though its not very long.. :) Thanks to those who have commented, your motivating words somehow or rather helps. :)

All this short 2 weeks of juggling hard with working, studying and training is really tiring me out. Next week will be the start of my Semestral Exams. In fact, during this two weeks of studying, i havent been sleeping well, ie i'm actually under lots of pressure both from myself and others. So much so that i just don't feel like talking to anyone, which i've successfully done so. I koe its bad, but i just cant help it, or am i already getting use to it. well, beats me.. Everyone's like so near and yet so far away, that's how i viewed it, living in their own world, they never understand, they never tried to understand, they never listen, they don't bother. don't ask me why. i'm so lost in the world of my own, no sense of directions ahead, everything seems so blurred. Seriously, i don't know how much i can go on like this. Its when life come to a point where you have nothing to look forward to, where goals are so distant away, where humanity is never a study, and cos you taught me "promises are made to be broken."

' If, one day i died, and everyone else i knew died as well. What difference would i have make to this world? nothing. nothing at all '

all endings are also beginnings, we jus don't know it at the time...