just got home from sentosa. anyway i've been so tired lately that i sleep before 1am everyday now. not everyday last week maybe.. yesterday went for training, pretty good getting all the exercise over again!
i'm going to cut my hair later in the evening. Meanwhile i shall pack my room later; enjoy the music.

Raine got me this very nice blue and yellow pull-over from Far east for Christmas gift. Really nice, the size's just right and i like it alot! Alright, i owe her a gift now.. anyway she's gone to ting's house to stay yesterday, so peace for a day. but ain't sure if she's coming home today. she should be at home to iron the clothes! lol there's a huge pile building its way towards the ceiling. ok ok maybe i should just help to iron since i'm free now, afterall i've to iron my as well.. ;)

hey guys i'm so tired these days. don't know why, maybe cause of the sickness that's coming back to me.

there again, i'm someone u look for when u r lonely. am i jus so pathetic.

however enjoy myself pretty much today with the company of my long-time no see friends. Really long. 9 years! Okay, i met up with Sarah,Lydia,Nat,Miguel,Matthew,Jinglong. whao! actually stood infront of sarah for 30 min sincei reach earrly and i didnt have her no with me since i only contacted the guys and the rest got the girls. i din even recognise her. goodness me! was like how retarded looking at each other pondering if she's the person i'm meeting. had a good laugh after that.

gonna go for training tmr. real early. so probably gotta slp soon after my medication. ;)

Trapped inside my head
I hear these voices
They tell me things
Like memories I thought were dead.

These voices remind me
Of who I am
They tell me what I was
And what I'm meant to be.

But now and then
They put me down
They kick me about
And the tears begin.

Right now i'm at David's house waiting for all of them to bathe and change. Not all of them stayed over at his house so i'll only be bringing david, david's sis, bryan, jerome, who else? oh brenda will be joining us.. and yea we've benjamin too! At least i've brenda to help me look after all those super hyperactive kids.

Today's gonna be just the last free day of the month before i start work for the countdown. And maybe you can easily spot me at sentosa. ;) Got lots of tips from mel about what food nice and what is not there. ;)

i'm in state of dilemma.

Christmas Eve and Christmas itself have been rather packed. Like last year, we celebrated Daven's bday on the eve of Christmas and did a countdown for both his birthday and christmas. This year was a little special because it was not held at my house as many would like to. I thought let's have something new, so we all head down to the beach for a party. Around 40-50 of us turned up. But i went there in the evening, went town to do some last minute shopping as i wasn't around in Singapore for sometime. Anyway Daven's party was a huge success and the stay over at the hotel and chalets was awesome! I guess everyone pretty much enjoy themselves. I met Janice there surprisingly, she was having her family gathering there. She asked how was everything; pretty touched by her concern once again. I left the hotel pretty early today at 8am.

Went over to my cousin, david's house. I've to be there early because i promise to help out at the kitchen. lol. I'm like the only male 'chef' and surrounded by aunties and i naturally blend in as an uncle. It's good to help out at the kitchen, you get to eat first! haha. I finally get to see my cousin jeanette after so long! David's been talking about how sweet was she and so on... i've receive a perfume from my uncle (david's family). A shirt (brenda's family). A belt (Bryan's family). bodyshop voucher (Jeanette's family)..

I left David's house unwillingly at 5pm, since it was so much fun. Met shortie lil crazy pam to go to Elaine's house. Exchange gifts always put me in a difficult spot of what to buy. i think i bought the ever worst gift. i bought a candle, beautifully decorated christmas candle. And what did i get in return - a parker pen from elaine's cousin (paul) haha.. that's something good in return. and who got my candle? elaine's sister! ahhaa... but i think she likes it! Didn't talk much with Elaine either and that makes me feels really weird once again. I remember the scene when she was exactly opposite me taking food from the trays; she look at me and i did the same for 5 secs and then someone call out to her. She did ask me about my trip and everything and while she spoke i felt a lil cold. hahs.. but i really did. i was kinda distracted not by the way she talks but rather still feeling funny standing at the balcony with my mind flying off to find an answer. Its as though the pathway is broken and the signs are unclear. I know there's more to come and i can feel myself really having contradicting thoughts.

I promise david and the kids to bring them to wcp tml. hope it doesn't pours...

hey peeps! manage to do the layout at last for my guestbook cos the server always kicks me out.

so pple please sign my guestbook. You can sign it as many times as you want to.

left with a few more shots in the evening and i'm done! Going back to Singapore tomorrow. ;)

gonna go malaysia in a couple more more hours. wish i could stay here for long. carefree, pple ard here makes me feel happy, makes me feel that life's so fun etc..

back in spore's where i've to face back the same old probs. but nothing last forever, i'm glad i'm feeling this way even if its for 2 weeks or so.

I'll be busy again when i'm back in Singapore. chill out guys, gotta go slp getting quite late already. Enjoy da weekends, and CHRISTMAS IS COMING!! hohoho

Hey people check out my little cousin's david's blog!

Leave a msg at his tagboard, and he'll be overjoyed. ;)

I just caught up with a slight headache this morning. Phew thank god its okay now, else it'll probably ruin my day.

Pete just call saying he would like me to go to Queen Victoria Market. No idea what's that, but i believe it's kind of for tourist? let's see..

I hope i don't have to spend my Christmas in Malaysia, hope everything goes smoothly. Seriously, i can't imagine days in Singapore again. In a week or two, school's gonna start. A new semester, A brand new year - A new beginning?

`updated my reminders. Thanks corrine! It's my treat when i'm back :)

8 more days to christmas & dav's bdae!
Are you guys ready to party?

Camp offically ended few hours ago. Pretty fun. Really make lots of friends! Most importantly it teaches me more than just physical sport. So lets see, its free and easy for me now.. i've abt 3-4 days before i head to malaysia? Most probably will go look for my friend who's studying in melbourne and now working in a fast food restaurant as part time.

yawns. sleepy.

p.s : Thanks corrine for your job intro; will reply u asap lastest by Friday, cos not too sure of my schedule. But pretty cool job u have for me! =)

Hey peeeps! Just finished a report. tired. Well, yea i'm helping my dad with his admin work over here, before i head for my camp. I've finished a late net meeting with some big man in black over in the states. First attempt, quite cool, gd experience.. :)

RAFTING AT VICTORIA! i can't wait.....

Taxis are freak expensive here. back to more work.. 6 dec..its coming! 2 more days...

I wonder if there's something wrong with blogger. But to view the updates of my blog, please go to
http://www.jeddfishh.blogspot.com ( with the www.) else you will face some problems opening the page. :)

Results was ok, just that i thought i could get my A for network technology but ended up a B. Was really disappointing.

Yesterday, met Daven, Chris, Christian, Paul, Ben for pool in the afternoon. Quite fun! Haven't touch pool for like months. Half-way through, daven left for soccer and i went to the airport to meet the rest of my friends. Yes, i still did went to the airport. I met some friends whom i haven't seen for 2 years plus; pamela, meiling, wendy, yinghui, john, nicholas. The other 12 who were there still see them around in town sometimes. Hah anyway i was really shocked when i see pam, hahs cos she got this very cool short hair , a little spiky on the top, and she look so cute in it! hah her dressing was alittle hiphop? Perhaps it was her pants and she's quite short..:X Took some pics with her and i've to really bent down...hhah ok i shall stop being mean. Anyway i don't know why i was there too, afterall i didn't even talk to Elaine at all. Maybe she was busy filling in the others with their questions? After which went to Elaine's house, had some desserts and cakes and photo-taking again.

Went shopping with John, Vincent and Daven today in town. Gawd i'm so happy i bought this baby pink polo-t with white horizontal lines (big spaces) in between. Hah i don't care if pple think is sissy or wat to wear pink... but i think its a super cool color. :) John bought a watch for dissel! Super retro but ex! My dream watch! Nvm, i saw nicer ones.. self-consoling, arghs. Went for coffee at coffee bean, town wasn't really as crowded as i expected though. After some talks over coffee, John was filling us with his Ns life, and i'm getting quite excited to go NS. Well i just like challenges...hehs. Daven was really unlucky, he keeps knocking into people and banging into things, and even in the toilet the cleaner left the mop at the cubicle door, and when he came out the mop just bang onto his head. What a day..

Dinner was spend barbequing food at Pam's place. Quite good food, i just love the sting ray...yummmms! still quite full now. But during the whole bbq , i didn't talk to Elaine too, though we exchange glances but a smile is all we gave. Yes, i'm feeling abit weird, she's like acting so weird. I just don't know what to say to her. I don't know, maybe i'm just too sensitive. Really enjoyed my weekends, that is when i put my mind off those things that have been bothering me.

I've gotta go pack my bag for my trip tomorrow. I'll probably be back during Christmas, till then i'll blog when i've the time there... :)

The weather, had been in erratic havoc all day. Feeling all so cold, especially now that i'm quite nervous since an hour plus later i'll be getting my semestral results.

The first day after exams ended, yesterday i didn't go clubbing because my mood just ain't tuned in for the clubbing night, and neither did i go for dance cos it was too late by the time. I ended up at home watching some shows and pampering myself with some brownies. Today, the weather spoils my plan of playing tennis with James and Jeremy. The two professional JJs. =p I wasn't in the mood for activities with my friends, since there was something that i was worried about - my results - for the moment. The day's sailing by so slowly, i'm getting more nervous. Ohh!

pray for me, mel and everyone who's taking their results at 12am.

Physics design paper's over. Strangely interesting. Entry's gonna be long, let me rant. :)

Days before, i managed an unexpectedly interesting conversation over the msn with gloria after a year. She mentioned that i can easily understand her. She described herself as a blank sheet of paper and i've no problem knowing what's on her mind, her feelings. I ponder over her words because deep inside me i know i don't understand her at all. Two years before, the very last year, i don't forsee any barriers building between us. So much of me wanted to be back like last time. People says as time passed, things changed, we can't be what we are before. What do you think? I used to think if we want something, we should not like our pride rule over us. However, she told me that she can't let her pride down, she's not use to giving in to people. Being naive as always, i always thought if we try to put in effort in a friendship, things will work out. Why is it that when people know their flaws, and why aren't they changing for the better? I tried to put myself in her shoes as being the only child, receiving the beauty of everything in life, but i just can't understand. Part of me is very tired in putting the consious efforts all the time. The other part of me doesn't want to let go this friendship. I know if i do not carry on initiating a conversation, continue to be what a friend should be, this friendship will slowly fade in a blink of an eye. Whoever is reading this will tell me : " what's the point of having such a friend then?" Perhaps, she had once been a really good friend.

My very last paper ends tomorrow. Unexpectedly no whoop of joys this time. i was asked to join some of my cjc friends for clubbing tomorrow. The way they club and party and drink and toast and chortle the weekend away into a blissful blare. Maybe i should for once or maybe i should go join the guys at dance. Talking about dance, it's been months since i last felt the intense movement of my body sway with the music. This time for a change, a little of hip-hop. I've never tried hip-hop cause i wasn't much of a rap person, neither can i break dance exceptionally well. But there's always a beginning for everything. I wonder if this exam periods have last for a ridiculous long month thats why i'm feeling all immune. I should be excited, overwhelmed, and hogging on phone with friends planning the next few days activities, but i'm not. Or could it be that my semestral results gonna be out soon?

Today, i went home. I started playing on my piano, no specific pieces, i just played the way i let my fingers decide its move. They say music and the heart are inter-connected, i realised that. And as i continue playing, my mind is filled with the silhouette that I'm thinking of. Right now, my fingertips have already become calloused from all that playing.

I see everyone's packed with excitement to see Elaine. I've second thoughts about going now. Afterall she will be here for half a year, so no rush. I thought i should be meeting my dad instead. A very unlikely move i picture afterall i was never the one who take the first step to meet him unless he calls. I will be leaving for Australia next week if everything goes well. I hoped.

Swiftly as time passes, we're gonna step into the last month of the year. Like previous years, i always have this perception on the very last day of the year. That is, the feeling that the storm had blown out to sea at last, and my life, the place's was yellow with sunlight.

Val: Enjoy ya trip to Australia on Friday! cheerss! :)

Physics Marathon

Just came home after two days of physics at Mark's house. His parents went overseas and we have the whole house to ourselves. A very big study room with 5 desks, no idea why he needs 5 desks but it was just enough for us! Paul, Shawn, and MingShun was there too! I must said it was a fruitful one, i managed to clear my doubts with their help as well as finished a number of prelims paper. Nevertheless, the time spend over debating some challenging problems were pretty interesting. Tomorrow's the paper am quite excited about it! i hope i'll do well.

Meanwhile i think i gonna take a short nap and continue my revision before i head for the gym!

Winamp playing : b44- endlessly

In the midst of exams

don't ask me why i put up this, but i just like this pic when i first look at it! Gives me a very serene, secure feeling and that's why i added the words.

physics paper will be next. Jumps Jumps! 2 more weeks end of As! whoo! Adventure camp! horray!

visited the studio yesterday, was getting more interested to learn more about studio photography. Never thought it was so tough. Am so impressed!

Home with raine today, am irritating her with my whole chunk of blabberings of physics. oh i'm so much in love with physics! waiting for dinner. :)

It's what you see that stays, not what you feel ?

Yesterday i was out studying with nick at burger king at marina, went to the library late and couldn't grab a seat during this study-peak period. Today's was the first paper, i just can't wait for my semestral exams to end and i'll have one burden off me. I was thinking to do a new layout as i've always wanted to, just can't seem to find the time. I know i will one day. After hours of studying yesterday, i went for a walk around Suntec city with Nick and Jeslyn who joined us later.

While i was walking in Carrefour, i heard this little boy who was screaming, followed by loud cries. He was pleading his mum to buy this toy ( sort of like a gameboy) or wat sort. But the mum just ignored him and said ' we'll have to go buy kor kor's shoes, so you can have his shoes now' Well, i too came across that, being the youngest in the family, i always get the old pair of sneakers of my brother's when he get brand new ones. Back then, i just thought ' i just never wanna be wearing his shoes, i want new new new shoes!' But never did i , only till i became older, old enough to get my first pair of shoes with my savings. Since young, i never wanna be in my brother's shoes. The thing is we're different, we have different taste, which is true, we lead different lifestyle, we pursue different things. However strangely enough, i seem to be living in the shadow of his. Just like how i always get to wear his old shoes. Perhaps he was indeed a good role model, but what i want others to see me is for who i am not who they want me to be. Is that just so difficult?

Monday evening , after a straight 7 hours of studying , i went for a stroll along esplanade. Once again, i begin to start sketching, not of the place, just my thoughts. It was one of those ways, i released the stress in me. During the process of drawing, i saw this tall, strong-build, be-spectacled guy standing just right infront of me. He looks familiar and I started to recall, and learnt that it was my sister's boyfriend, i met at my workplace. He's was alone i assume. He came over to talk to me, everything was fine just that i didn't really like the sight of him. A little bit of arrogance, and probably his 'fake-accent' all rolled into one. He was the one doing the talking , since i didn't have anything much to talk to him about. He starts talking about my sister. I'm not the one to judge but least i thought he's just not the one for my sister, in comparison with my sis ex-bf. There were silence between us for a long time and he suddenly said, 'your sis spoke alot to me about you' I replied, ' nothing nice i believe'. Silence again. This time, i just didn't wanna hear anymore, slung my bag across and stand to leave. He stood up too. With his accent again , he raised his voice ' don't be a coward, you idiot!' I pushed his hand away and to my amaze when i turned back i saw my sister. I knew it needed no explanation for my last action, afterall i was never given a chance to explain. I left with the picture of my sis's angry face still in my mind. That was all in her eyes, and i knew it was - hatred.

Suddenly, little things like that didn't mattered as much as before. I use to try hard to explain myself, but as things builds up, i just let it be for i know ' That was all in her eyes'

I read about this and decided to share.

Picture the funeral. Look at the mourners. Some did not even know me well, yet they came. Why? did you ever wonder? Why people gather when others die? Why people feel they should?
" It is because the human spirit knows, deep down, that all lives intersect. That death doesn't just take someone, it misses someone else, and in the small distance between being taken and being missed , lives are changes.

Time to go for work and then tuition. Meanwhile, all the best to those taking exams.


Winamp playing : My self-composed piano remix

A beginning Or An ending ?

Oh boy! I'm missing my blog lots, though its not very long.. :) Thanks to those who have commented, your motivating words somehow or rather helps. :)

All this short 2 weeks of juggling hard with working, studying and training is really tiring me out. Next week will be the start of my Semestral Exams. In fact, during this two weeks of studying, i havent been sleeping well, ie i'm actually under lots of pressure both from myself and others. So much so that i just don't feel like talking to anyone, which i've successfully done so. I koe its bad, but i just cant help it, or am i already getting use to it. well, beats me.. Everyone's like so near and yet so far away, that's how i viewed it, living in their own world, they never understand, they never tried to understand, they never listen, they don't bother. don't ask me why. i'm so lost in the world of my own, no sense of directions ahead, everything seems so blurred. Seriously, i don't know how much i can go on like this. Its when life come to a point where you have nothing to look forward to, where goals are so distant away, where humanity is never a study, and cos you taught me "promises are made to be broken."

' If, one day i died, and everyone else i knew died as well. What difference would i have make to this world? nothing. nothing at all '

all endings are also beginnings, we jus don't know it at the time...

b r e a k

I'll won't be blogging for sometime. Will be busy preparing for my 2 major exams. My semestral exams as well as my A'levels...

Till then, take care guys! i'll be back! Ignore the tag-board for the time being... :)

m missing you guys alot!

Grandma's back from Penang!!

Alright 3 more hours to go, i'm gonna back home for dinner. At least 3/4 of my relatives will be there, some sort of family dinner thing since Grandma's back. Amazingly, it was my dad who planned it. Can't understand, but i think i don't want to. Just finished helping dav with his blog, fixed the light in raine's room, finished my laundry and ironing, packed my bag for training tml. Missed lunch. Guess i've better save my stomach for some good food later on!

+++

picture this. a bottle full of straws. of trinkets and pieces of objects that, when coalesced together, make up the contents of your life.

when every disappointment strikes, one little piece is taken out, one little trinket falls into the abyss of oblivion, vanishes from sight and from mind. and everyday this cycle is going on, these little trinkets that somehow mean so much vanishing, each one a tiny facet of your life, each one a thread that somehow is woven into the fabric of your life. your life, a carpet unravelling, a portrait slowly disintegrating into the seperate threads that make it up.

so what do you do, when it finally empties completely?

everyone has lows, everyone will reach a fork in the story of their lives, a point where they have to decide whether its worth carrying on, or not. it's natural, and rather inevitable. what matters is how you deal with this, how you dig within yourself to replace these trinkets that have gone missing, how you get up from a fall to remain what is essentially you.

the alternative is a bottle empty of substance, a life without meaning.

weave your own carpet of joy and meaning, find in yourself the determination to carry on painting the portrait that inherently defines you. it exists, there, so don't lose heart, don't feel lost.

the only place to find yourself is in yourself..

there are times when a song says everything you want to say. music does have power, the beat just carries you along, envelops you in its flow. the lyrics become secondary to the sheer ecstacy of movement.

sometimes a song says so much more than the words it contains. maybe lyrics do make the song, but maybe, it is the nature of the song, too, that determines the lyrics. some songs have this unique quality of seeming to resonate with hidden emotion, themselves, like poetry, capturing passion in an acutely visible form. feeling is contained within the constraints of the form and immeasurably magnified.

silence is itself a form. without words but full of meaning. dawn's put it well. silence is important at times, complements music, complements worship, compliments emotion and feeling. silence is when your innermost feelings receive acquaintance, when you can finally look within yourself and discover, oh, thats who i am and what i want to be. silence is the tool to exploration, and the method of discovery.

music and silence. opposing worlds charged with poignant meaning.
+++

/ wish i had what i needed
to be on my own.
cause i feel so defeated, and
i'm feeling alone.

Winamp playing : 3 doors down - here without you

Let's fight and break the convention

A good news i received today on my last week's presentation results. I've got a distinction. Somemore to go, i shouldn't be complacent. I have sufficiently withstood the past 3 hours and finishing one GP essay, one AJ maths paper at the most ridiculous breakneck speed that I’ve ever mustered from my trembling fingers. It's definitely much faster than previous times. I can smell the rain and that probably gonna cancel my night run later.

Thanks Vincent for your encouragement. True enough, i wasn't feeling quite happy on the last training. All these while i've been training hard even with the lack of time, i still do. Yes, i was being dissappointed in myself. But NO i ain't gonna give up, i'll work towards the timings even though it maybe quite impossible.

Gotta go for make-up tuition now and continue with projects in the night.

To all friends, time seems to have eroded you guys aside, but rest assured i miss you all alot and will definitely meet up after the exams.

/Can somebody answer me the question why
You don't miss your water til the well runs dry

Winamp playing : Blessid Union Of Souls - I Believe

Childen's day

This life's dim windows of the soul
Distorts the heavens from pole to pole
And leads you to believe a lie
When you see with, not through, the eye.

Today's children's day! Whoo.. and i've got a lollipop from raine, i've receive so many greetings, Oh it makes me feel so young again. and.. i like...:) Tuition tomorrow, better surprise my little boy and girl with something. :) Just an update from my previous entry, i'm currently staying at raine's house. Yap, i think i'm slowly adapting to staying there. Lucky me.

Last Sunday was supposed to meet cousins for gathering. Kinda like after a few months, we'll get together for a meal or some activities. But last Sunday, had to cancel it cos i was really feeling sick. Oh! Am looking forward to next Sunday's gathering. Haven't really planned what to do or place to go. Definitely, dinner at granny's ( my mom's side) place. I haven't been there for sometime, as much as i longed to. Granny has been out of town with Aunty Alice most of the time. She says travelling was something she wanna spend her rest of her life doing. She's really in! I heard she's got a digital camera! And her recent 3 weeks China trip spend her S$500 or more just developing her photos. ( over a thousand) Am so envy! Makes me more keen on my end of year Australia Trip. *grins*

Oh! i can't wait! I simply love family gatherings! even though i'm the only one from my family there...

Gonna do my report. Have been slacking. Yes! S-L-A-C-K for the last two days sleeping. All re-charged now. (i hope)

Winamp playing : Sheila Nicholls - Fallen For You -> very nice song! :)

da raine's family

Am at raine's house studying, together with kevin and ting. Came over like 8am, cos raine called me to buy breakfast over. She rang me up at 7am. That was early, since we actually planned to meet at around 11am. So i bought mac breakfast over, and that's the first time i saw her parents. Kevin and ting hasn't arrived since it was still pretty early. Her mum was like so shocked to see me , and i was also probably reacting the same way. I didn't know anyone was at home since everytime i went over, i've only seen the brother. The mum was pretty corny, she was like.. 'ohh.. raine! how come you didn't tell me there's a guest around? i'm still in my pyjamas!' and the next min she ran upstairs. Nvm that, so i went to the toilet, when i came out from the toilet, raine's dad was about to go in. He was still kinda sleepy looking, and i think he got a shock too. He said ' raine! is he your fren? i thought how come boy has become like that' and he luffs. boy refers to raine's brother. Quite hilarious i thought..haha. So after breakfast, we went to booked tennis court and after which head to the study room. That was around 9am. After an hour plus, her mum knocked on the door and ask if we wanetd any drinks or snacks. That was when she came up to talk to me. Her mum asked about what sch i was in, etc.. then ask if i go to beach often cos of my tanned complexion, she even took a chair and sat beside me. It was only till raine begged her mum to go out , that she stopped. haha.. so @ around 11am , kevin and ting was here... study continues.. and @ around 1pm, her parents came in again and shouted ' lunch time, pens down' They drove us out for lunch buffet. On the way, her mum ask if i wanted to stay over ( raine had told her abt my situtation i guess ) . She said there's an extra room, all i've to do is to help her carry some stuffs to the store room, no rents or payments of expenses required. That's pretty nice of her. She wanted me to accompany raine to study , since her brother will be going abroad for 6 mths training and her parents only have time for her during weekends. But we'll see how.. i'll be staying tonight with the rest of my friends. Her parents are very friendly, warming.. right now they're preparing for dinner tonight. I'm so lucky! got good food the whole day.

-Saturday
Met daven for breakfast, then went for tuition. After which went to meet my aunt, cos she's got some meeting or wat, so i got to help look after my cousin. Aunt asked me to bring him to buy clothes? so brought him to takashimaya, there's giodano there? yapp... the giokids clothes are so nice! much more nicer than the adults range of shirts or pants. It so fun dressing him up and he look so hip-hop with this pull-over sweater and 3/4s.. The rest of my day was spend doing the project.

* i managed to squeeze into the top100! I'll do my best for the semi finals! :)

Winamp playing : Leigh Nash - Need To Be Next To You

wazz up

Been totally busy last weekend.

-Saturday

Had a speech seminar cum competition. Feeling totally excited if i've any chance to squeeze in to the top for the next round. Results gonna be out. In the afternoon, went to Sentosa for volleyball challenge. Was playing volleyball with dav, jeremy, james, nick, weiming and the gals. was really fun, after so long since i've a good game. What adds to that excitement was the game with Ix.S. That's like quite happening! He's well built, tanned, totally cool with his sunglasses, the girls' melting there.. haha..

-Sunday

Had training, totally tired, considering that i've had volleyball the previous day. freak out. coach was in a bad mood, no long breaks, no chances off extra laps, no escape from physical. Receive a call from my friend, to help him out at his wedding in the evening. There was two parts to it, one i've to sing as well as play the piano. Obviously that has got to be those love songs , wat else? Ok i was allowed to choose, Dan hill- sometimes when we touch, seems the more familiar of all.. Second part , was quite easy for me, just to play the piano while everyone's waiting for the dinner to start. Was in a pretty nervous state initially cos i can't imagine myself singing, especially i've to force myself to be enthusiastic about it when i'm all so shag. So before the event, i try practising the lines, msg vivian as well. She said smt like 'maybe u can think of it as you singing the song to someone special' probably that would calm yourself down. Alright it did help abit.. was glad that simply lasted for a few minutes. I'm sure the pple there were more glad. Dad's back. Time for me to go.

studying hours : 0800pm - 530am

-Monday

Crazily waste of my 3 hours, just to be doing some sort of hair model. yes HAIR. they're so disorganised, when i was there i've to wait like 30 minutes for them to arrange their stuffs, then i've to sit there for another 45 mins or more, just for them to discuss how things are gonna be done. The end results, nothing fascinating, no stylish hairstyle, overall poor performance i would rate. Lucky for me, they didn't really cut my hair, it's still a little long now, will be going for a proper haircut! Oh and heard Jean Yip at novena's having trainees to cut at $4. Shall just try, since money's kinda tight now. worse come to worse, i'll just be bore. Dad called to scold me for not helping my mum at work since she was sick. Start of prelims for many of my friends. Good luck guys.

studying hours : 1am-6.30am

-Tuesday

Had project meetings during lunch. Everything was pretty organised as i've expected. Project's on biometrics.

Got woke up by calls at 3+am, only to realised i've missed 30+calls. Look, how tired i was. Results from 2 days of sleepless nights. Managed to get some sleep after work. Was pretty cold sitting at the void deck, but it doesnt really affect me since i was already in dreamland. Raine called to ask me physics? She's having the paper on Wednesday. Paper 3 that is.. tried answering her questions, so obvious that she ask the wrong person. Yea, physics may be one of my strengths but you're asking someone who hasn't exactly study physics for the As.

studying hours : 4+am - 630am

Am in school now, doing my project on biometrics. Glad that i didn't go to work today, heard from my colleague that snobbish senior of mine's there. i'm gonna stay in school till say 10pm? Tomorrow more project guidelines will be out. There goes my time for revision. Getting headaches from facing the computer. Friends went for dinner break, i'm gonna take mine soon. wanted to go mel's house but am stuck in the lab now. maybe i should just do my lab report first. They'll probably take a long time eating.

Raine just sms-ed me about her physics paper today. That's what she said. " I'm praying for a passing grade or maybe just not the last in class. HELP. :( " Look at how stress everyone is. Exam's probably the enemy of every students.

gonna meet my dad after project later. can't view my blog in sch now, no idea why. will reply to any msg when i can..

Get the picture?

If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be without meaning.

-

[8.20pm] tuition was great, managed to revise physics with her and for the first time she's actually listening to me. A good beginning!

gonna start studying , since i'm not working today. shall not waste time! Thanks raine and kevin for the stack of notes! really appreciate the effort you guys took to help me photocopy! :):)

Winamp playing : stephanie sun - yu jian :):)

Common test is here again.

Common tests this week, one of my obstacle to cross. Now that my semestral exams are about a month away, my As probably just 2 more months or lesser, and i'm already estranged with studying. I'm lacking the entire motivation and concentration, considering how difficult it is to start picking up my notes and start revising after a long day at work, in school etc. My concentration has been on my mum all these while, ever since she fell sick last week. She never fall sick that easily. I was pretty worried when i knew about her fainting at work today. She looks pretty alright when i saw her walking out of the gate this morning. The whole day at work left me thinking if she's alright, and felt the urge to rush home immediately. Now that i'm back, i felt so helpless to what i can. Perhaps i should just pick up my notes and start revising for the papers.. wake up wake up!!

Winamp playing : stephanie sun - the moment :):)

A challenge is on!

Mum's sick this week. Ya who's next? So these few days have been taking care of her, hope she's feeling better. what's more, something cropped up at work, and i guess my parents had a slight arguement. I don't know if things are any better now, but i know i'm able to stay for another week as my dad's not returning singapore this week, which is good so i can spend more time with my mum.

One week of break ended just like tat, common tests gonna start. It'll be a difficult week for me like i've said, too many obstacles i pictured. This is gonna be a tough time. argh i seriously fear the challenges coming next week. Come end of next week, i'm gonna give myself a break. A short break.

Winamp playing : Oasis - stand by me

Match-making students in Singapore

Students rush for free movie tickets aimed at helping them find their match

Boy meets girl on a bridge and they line up for tickets to watch a romantic movie, "Turn Left Turn Right."

Well, that was the plan organisers had in mind to bring students of the opposite sex together.

Students from neighbouring schools, Hwa Chong and National Junior Colleges as well as Chinese High and Nanyang Girls' gathered to queue for one of 500 free movie tickets.

Although it was a crush, there was hardly any mingling amongst the students as they focussed on getting their hands on the tickets.

Boys and girls had to join separate queues to ensure no one of the same sex will sit next to each other.

But will they stick to the arrangement next Wednesday?

Here are some reactions from some students:

"I wouldn't mind if I know the guy."

"But if they choose to change the arrangement, then it defeats the purpose."

"We get tickets with friends so we sit together but there are some people who really don't mind as it's a free movie."

The movie will debut next Thursday but before that it is hoped that some of the students will find their match at their preview screening.

-
Extracted from the news. Wow! I'm surprised. There's some fun over there! And my friends from hcjc and njc manage to get the tix. Hahha they were so excited and this gonna continue till wednesday when they actually koe who they are sitting with! Quite fun though, shall wait for them to tell me more about it..

Perfection

Extracted from Dav's blog

In darkness we strive to find perfection
In it's own perfection perfection is lost and it mutilated
To fit our minds and views of the world.
It's unfair to say it has one set meaning,
That every time I perfect you, I perfect you like they want you to be perfected.
I perfect you in my mind,
To hide all your flaws.
To bring them all out, as well, and coat you in a beautiful armor
One that I can't penetrate, but I love for all I'm worth.
I make your flaws seem beautiful
Because nothing in you could be ugly.

Very nicely written poem. I like the part where it says " I make your flaws seem beautiful" . I guess if everyone's able to treat each other that way, there'll be peace and harmony. How many times do we point at others, with a mouthful of dislikes that follows? Why do couples break ups? Why do friends part? Sometimes the reason is simply we just can't accept each other flaws and slowly the ugly side of you will show. Perfection, How many perfectionist have you met? I met none. I don't wish to become one neither do i wanna meet one. It's too stressful. Life's about making mistakes, experiencing it, and growing from it, definitely not about being perfect.

Mr fish Jelly FISH

Recalling the last entry about dav being the sickly cat! Ohhh now's my turn. NO work, NO sch, NO tuition, NO training. Having a headache that's been for days, and at times my vision can be really blurred. gotta study , hmm not now. kinda just pop the pill into my mouth. Looks like i'm not alone, mel's sick too. Just got her sms. Looks like the outbreak of SARSII is coming again... in anyways, there's already a new case at ttsh now rite? gosh.. prays that we'll be well soon... :)

As practical will be in 39 days time. J2s should have by now finished their prelims! That would mean i've got to get those papers from them soon, so i can practice on them. Self- studying can be difficult, especially i've been working against the clock for the whole of this year. Come Dec, would give me a break from all this. Other than physics, none of the subjects interest me in JC, maybe GP. That's all. It's damn boring... For the up-coming months, seems to be like blurr shades of grey, can hardly imagine how i'm gonna handle my time. The most i'll get a day is 2 hours of sleep and that makes way for all the things i've, like my tuition, work, trainings, etc. wow! nono...this's not gonna work.. i can hardly breate.. arh.. how?

Next week's gonna be a difficult week to go on. God bless me.

Winamp playing : Jay zhou - dong feng po

Over the weekends

Just came back from work, will be going for 2 hours of tuition later. So glad to be home for this week. Yea just this week. It's a totally great feeling at home. It's been so long since i last step in, i'll treasure every moment of it. :) Dav was sick yesterday. Again. His fever was kinda running high, especially during the middle of the night. I wasn't able to sleep well, because i was afraid his temperature kept rising. At 2am, his temperature measures, 39.3. I thought this can't continue, call a cab and off we went to the 24 hour clinic. Glad he's fine now. Back to his normal crappy mood, which is good, brings me more laughter with his stupid crappy jokes.

On sunday, the nike run was quite fun, with a crowd of 5000 participants. The challenging and difficult part was running on the sand. I really dislike the feeling of running on the sand. But still managed to complete the run, although didn't emerged as one of the tops, but was rather satisfied with my performance. Immediately after that, Jeremy was telling me. Hey let's go take part in the benjamin sheares run! I was stoned. haa, because i heard the run is 21km or 42km right? That's like double of what i'm running now. It might be possible.. might, if i'm on a constant training everyday. But look at the time left. hmmm...

Yesterday afternoon went for tuition, and guess what? I've got a teacher's day present! hha.. that's for the first time! It's actually contained a hand-made card, with a key chain with my name on it. It's not a big or expensive kind of present, but i like it as much though. kinda suprising, especially when it comes from a boy. The card was nicely decorated with drawings and colors. I don't remember myself even giving anything on teacher's day to my teachers in school when i was in primary school. Being a defiant boy, teachers are always an irritant to me. But then my perception of it changes when i was in secondary school. The difference was in secondary school, the teachers are more understanding, they're more like a friend than a teacher. I believed, in everyone there's a mentor, an educator in any aspect, will there be a rare gem, that perhaps thought you more than what you can learn in school - Life. I find myself very fortunate to have come across two mentors, who greatly inspired me with words of wisdom and their strong passion in teaching. I'm just praying that my tuition later will be a smooth flowing one with the defiant girl. i'm all prepared with my shear from flying textbooks. haha.. and all ready from the countless questions she trying to challenge on me! finally work out my teaching strategy! I'm gonna tell myself i'll stay more than 3 mths! to least break the record.

Mum's returning home this late evening! I'm so happy! Will be going to the supermarket with Dav later in the evening, to get some food. I'm gonna prepared today's dinner. can't imagine what's like living with my mum again, even for a night. I'm so excited ! At least, I've something to look foward to...:)
Gonna prepared my books and off for tuition...

Winamp playing : Southern sons - you were there

Something wise to bear in mind..

Jacque was out walking with his grandfather in Paris. At one point, they saw a shoemaker being insulted by a customer who claimed that there was something wrong with his shoes. The shoemaker calmly listened to his complaints, apologised and promised to make good the mistake.

Jacque and his grandfather stopped to have a coffee. At the next table, the waiter asked a man if he would mind moving his chair slightly so that he could get by. The man erupted in a torrent of abuse and refused to move.

“Never forget what you have seen,” said Jacque’s grandfather. “The shoemaker accepted the customer’s complaint, while the man next to us did not want to move. Men who perform some useful task are not bothered if they are treated as if they were useless, but men who do no useful work at all always think themselves very important and hide their incompetence behind their authority.”

***
[9.07pm] Ohhh... who wants to be a millionaire? if only its real money! lol..

Winamp playing : Leigh Nash - Need to be next to you

my weekend as planned

Today : Last running practice ` 2 tuitions sessions ` 5 hours work `go or go to the airport ` try to get enough rest

Sunday : Nike Run @ sentosa -10km ` volleyball @ sentosa `projects to be completed `

should i or should i not head down to the airport to send my brother off ?


Winamp playing : david tao - ji mo de ji jie

Running - my passion

This morning, was running at mac ritchie with James, practising for our 10km run. He's an atheletic, so running to him wasn't a big problem, in fact a burning passsion, i too have felt the same way. I felt blind, my speed in danger of wearing into thin air. My face, had been washed in sweat and the breath burning in my lungs, coming out ragged, in irregular gasps for air. Running was indeed a powerful motion, as i looked at the back of James slowly a distant away, and each time it gets smaller and smaller; it disappear. At this point, i looked up at the sky, I told myself, i've gotta continue running, faster this time. The speed added wind to my face. I managed to run at a closer pace with James. I was getting better, i thought. After the run, i wasn't feeling as tired as i expected, which was good. James encouragements these weeks, brought me a mile further. And i've been running more than i swim these days, i'm not sure if i really enjoy swimming trainings now. Still having doubts about it. I seemed to look forward to runs than strokes in the water.

Meanwhile i quit dance yesterday, i left my dance group. Simply because, i don't see a point staying when all these while i've been putting so much efforts in it and yet the reponse was poor over these months during practice, I'm tired. However, dancing remains a part of me; i adore it. i'll still continue but not now, not in this group. Never.

Yeah, i finally finish my 3 GP essays! After struggling through one of the essays last night.. Am at raine's house with jeremy and GT. She's having tuition while i'm waiting for the teacher to mark my essay. yawns.. Its 330, which is 2+ more hours to work. Jeremy and GT has gone down to the gym, will be joining them later. Waiting for the teacher to comment on my essay and will look forward to improving it.

Winamp playing : Stephen Bishop - It might be you

Reflections on a Friday night

Was having lunch in sch with my classmates as well as some friends from business sch. Sch was filled with loads of police, apparently i guess they have something going on in the auditorium. never felt so safe. haa.. And right, and during lunch, the guys were gossiping abt some bimbos in my lect grp and the girls did the same thing abt the guys. Talking behind somebody’s back is an enemy’s trait and a friend’s venom, don't they just ever think of how the other person feels, if by any chance they get to hear that? and whoever says gossip is healthy? think abt it, gossip hurts..

Went swimming in school after my very light lunch, yea it was just 2 sandwiches and hot tea. Didn't feel like eating much, the sight of food really makes me wanna throw up most of the time. can anyone tell me what illness that is? The sun was burning hot, not that i really like swimming at 12+ in the afternoon, but i knew i had to get my stamina back. Even though the competition was over, more of it is coming up real soon. On monday, i was meeting a friend at my sch stadium, and i saw the atheletics training and it make me realise how slow and weak i can get. Saw the girls on track in blasting speed of a gazelle? *ashamed * filled with awe....Run, run run!! 7 hours more or less, i'll be running at mac-ritchie.

After 2 hours of swimming, went to meet Edwin at woodlands library to study. While travelling on the train from yck, thoughts just ran through my mind like i mention, i'm thinking all the time. Right infront of me was this two rjc girls, both of them were reading a thick stack of notes, trying to memorise some of the facts i guess. It was obvious with them covering the notes, looking up and mumbling. Stress was the word that seem to spread across their faces. Just then, one of their hp beep. A sms. It was just like a the dark, gloomy clouds has sailed across and a wide smile followed. I was curious actually what was on her msg..haa.. and then i thought, do i appear that way too when i read a sms? I think most of the time, a msg has been a simple and quick way of showing concern and communicating. And over the weeks, when i was on the pretty dark side of my life, i recalled receiving msges that somehow encourage me, e words of care and just wanna say thanks to you pple.

At the library, Edwin received a call, it was his mum asking if i would like to teach another student. Without hesitation, i agreed. Now thinking back i wonder if i'm gonna regret. Why? i agreed, cos recently i stop teaching a student cos she was overly busy with her sch cca etc, that she seem no bit of interest in her work. Her mum didn't wanna force her either so there leaves me with 2 students. Right after i agree, his mum told me in chinese, " mei ge ren jiao ta bu dao liang ge yue jiu qi zhou le ( no one stays more than 3 mths teaching her )" Gosh.. stoned. can i take back my words? i guess i'll just give it a try, and hopefully things dun turn out that bad. it won't right? my bad experience with tutoring a girl. wonder what's gonna be like.

I had a chat with timothy in msn earlier, i realise how similar we can get in terms of the way we think and so on, which is pretty good. Though, we don't really know each other that well, but i feel comfortable communicating to him. Talk about cyber friends? I've lots to go on that. wait a minute, i guess i better finished up my project, i've just barely less than 7 hours.

I'm finally done with it It's 6.15am in the morning! *strrrretchhh* so i've an hour plus before my jog and after which my long hours of tuition will follow. There is goes, i've tuition at 11-1pm , 1-2.30pm, and 3.30-5.30pm. The last one has gotta be the new student. After which i've to rush for work which is at 6.30pm. Looks like it's really round the clock. This weekend, gonna look after my cousins as my uncle and aunt will be out of town again. with my parents.

With regards to the comments of the previous 2 entries, i've read it, i thought i'll put my comments to it here..

These few weeks have been nothing less than a rush of blood to the head..firstly, i was never in a relationship, so naturally i won't be heart-broken but indeed i was. It was because during this crossroad of my life, when turning back is never an option and looking forward needed courage i've yet to build in me. I won't exactly talk about it much here, as it gets too personal and furthermore i don't want the other party/parties to know how i'm feeling. i've just been someone foolish who's constantly involved in somethings that never seems to be there. The lyrics kinda expresses how i feel, that's why the translation. Everyone urges me to relate my problems etc... to me, it's a damn difficult thing to do, all these while i've not actually been able to open myself up. i mean you don't go grab someone and start uttering your problems to them. But i realise something, I don’t want to change. That very thought of it, was just fear that captures every bit of me.

I remember feeling just as confused last year. I don't feel its something new with all that tangled mess of emotions i have within me. However, what's new is the problems i'm facing. Some are accumulated from last year and some are picked up along the way. I wonder why i'm holding to problems like i do when i never wanna let go a friendship. All these while i think the problem lies with me as well, i was afraid of change and i hate being in the shadow's of somebody else. True enough, i might have a possible solution to all these, but i'm just too fearful, too afraid of taking it, cos i knew if i do, i may have to change. I know, admit that pple hate me because of the decisions i make and so on.. people don’t really understand the full story sometimes, and that’s why. No one can make you change except yourself – and I know exactly how I’m turning out. Being over-hurt and the silent me who always sit at a corner and strums the guitar in the lonely hours of the night still remains. It's time for a change. I don’t deny that; every single entry is hardly anything that seems vibrant or sunny. I seem as if I have a overcast mind, constantly filled with depressing thoughts and over-emotional actions. That's me, at least for the time being. I recall browsing through my journals and realise how hard my life had hit on me, and the amount of diaries - 21 diaries accumulated and still counting.

In the midst of all these disspointments and dark hours, i'm just hoping to see a beacon of hope. A signaling lighthouse, as my source of guidance. I prayed.

Winamp playing : Jay - ni ting de dao
`amazingly, if you playback this song at 1.36min, you can hear him singing "zhi you ni ting de dao". Kinda eerie huh? but tat is damn cool. but of cos u gotta have the player to do that i tink.

Recent Entries

The recent entries i've made, the emotions i recalled, i hate to put in down yet that's the only way i can be able to communicate to myself. Excuse me for that. Communicate to myself? Yes.. u must be thinking i'm crazy.. i'm going insane man! GIVE ME A BREAK MAN! why are things constantly happening again , again and again? :(

will blog later. staying at cousin david's house tonight to rush my project.

Change music. Radiant Love. One of the pieces that i really like. One of which i always play too.

[1.20am] Project still a long way to go. There go my sleep tonight. not really concentrating actually. Too much things in my mind. Tomorrow is Friday.
It's weekends again. Somehow i just hope time just stopped and so does my heartbeat. At least for one moment i would stop thinking.

Qing Tian - A translated version

The tiny yellow flower from our fairytale
Floating since the year it was born
Every year it grew with me
Floating in my memory, it still remains yellow to this day

re sou sou xi dou xi la sou la xi xi xi xi la xi la sou

Whistling our song, looking at the sky
I remember the flower’s petal wilting,
The day you skipped school, the day the flower died, the moment in the classroom
Why couldn't I see

This was the rainy day of my childhood

I want to soak in the rain, once again
Never thought, even though courage is lost, I still remain
I want to ask, once again, will you wait or leave?

In the windy day, I tried, I tried to find your hand..
but no, the rain kept falling,
falling until I lost sight of you
Waiting for the day, how long will it be, until i lie next to you...
Maybe I will be better the day the sky becomes clear and sunny

Once, once upon a time
there was someone who loved you very deeply...
but no, the rain kept falling
and the wind blew us apart
the distance grew so great

I tried so hard, so hard to finally love an extra day..
but at the end of our fairtytale, you seemed to have said goodbye...


Winamp playing : Jay - Qing Tian

some updates..

wow, how i miss blogging! :) Thanks so much for all of your concerns. You're heard. Right now, i've already found a job. After i get my pay, i'll rent a place, that's like hmmm 2 weeks or more? It's 400/mth. The most reasonable i can find. I'll be joining this sentosa 10km run? Nothing much for now, been working, and studying in the mids. Right now at my student's place, cos of the big rain, and the family is celebrating the sis birthday which is today, sunday? so cool huh? All the relatives are here at 12am. That's some fun...

Apologise for sms not replied, cos my phone got stolen but the "kind" soul did left the sim card on the table. Time really flies huh? i didn't know i've so much that i've not done.

Been spending time with alot of kids recently in an event, feel quite good. In fact i've tons of fun teaching them maths, playing games with them. I guess it's also time for me to shower some love to those who appreciate it than those who don't. I've met this social worker -janice. She's in her twenties. I think she's really nice, can't really think of a word to describe her "heart of gold". I guess i'll be putting more effort and time in it at the end of the year. I was feeling really happy when at the end of the day, this boy came up to me and say he was having alot of fun and he was happy. At that moment, i thought it was time well-spent. Simply, i like what i was doing. to be continued.

Though i'm still quite emotionally unstable due to certain things that had happen, but i constantly tell myself that i really need to stand up again. Letting go is difficult.. i dunno how i'm gonna managed that. I'll try i guess...Throughout all this nights out alone, loneliness ya.. is always there but its also when i get to know myself better. Aug will swiftly pass, and my brother will by then be in US. My sis? Arrange to meet her for lunch, but she didn't turn up cos she forgot. An excuse perhaps. din really wanna think too much about it. That reminds me of this "ALIENZ" who flood my zonkboard. If that's a place to let out your frustrations, go ahead for it doesn't matters to me what you've mention, for that's something i've too thought about. So feel free to. And yapp.. i know who you're, if you have anything you're unhappy about just look for me. It's a more mature way of handling things.

Rain rain go away... don't wanna cycle on a slippery wet road.. can't stay too long here too.. cycling in the rain should be fine. yapp gtg.. takecare babes and dudeees :)

where should i cycled to tonight?

Winamp playing

As darkness falls..

i'm currently looking for a place to stay. Been searching for few days. Either the place is too far or the rent is crazily impossible. i've no choice. Mr and Mrs Lee's friend's daughter from Indonesia is coming over to study and living at their place. Cant expect me to share a room with a girl.. especially when is someone i don't know. Goodness me! She really came at the wrong time. *tired* i'm homeless. staying with friends for the time being till i find a place. i feel bad. Seriously..

Be glad that u have a shelter above u. u will never know what's its like seeking for a shelter.

And gloria, if that's what u want, you've succeeded. i really wonder. i rather you not send me the birthday greeting if you didn't really mean it. If you really do, so what is it now? *sigh*

Thanks frens, who leave a msg on the board. i love u guys! I'll do my best for the performance, though there's a high chance that i might just screwed it up. :P

I dunno when's the next time i'll blog, probably when i settle down in a new place. Will update more then.

Winamp playing : Kermit the frog - rainbow connection

malu-ing day

my mum's going to Indonesia for some business dealings tomorrow. i wonder if she's knows if my birthday is tomorrow. My uncle just called me. He thought today was my birthday, so he called to wish. Today someone fainted at the lecture. And it seems that everyone thought i was the one. Cos when i was going home, met my ex-classmates and they ask if i was ok cos they heard i've fainted. ??? Actually its this guy who fainted on me, i was walking towards the front of the lecture room and "thud", two guys on the ground. I dunno how i fell, i got trip over when his hand touches my shoe or something.. it was that fast that i din koe how it happen. and my 20 booklets of notes scattered on the ground. It was super malu-ing!! I pick myself up quickly din koe someone behind has fainted till there was a commotion. And i heard the girls giggles from the back! argh..goodness me!

I'm going to meet raine, li ping, ivy, ming shun and lionel for dinner later. Going chomp².... yummm! i'm so hungry now!

I'm going to skip the second half of the classes tomorrow. My class ends at 9+. really sucky timetable! And tomorrow suppose to be a celebration day for both me + josh. Josh's birthday happens to fall on the same day as me, and great we are celebrating it together for the FIRST time. It's gonna be really fun tomorrow!

reminds me national day is approaching!

I thought this was really well-written. The RJC case. Click here

Winamp playing : travis- flowers in the window

bored

Tired. Bored. Sleepy. Books.


Winamp playing : c21 - you are the one

Tanya - wu di dong

Sometimes the person is not the one you want, but you just want he/she to replace the hole, the loss in your life... and all of our lifes we are trying to cover this hole. And going through different relationships, yet there's this something that's missing still in your life. And if you read the third paragraph, "everyone just likes the appearance of being in love" the surface of it... i think its very true, some pple just go into a relationship because of peer pressure, etc.. and not because you actually love the person. "ren lei de xin, shi ge wu di dong"



This song relates to me quite well. It says that sometimes when we did so much for a person, been through so much for a person, and because of something that happen, everything was history and strangers are we now. However in this case, it's the opposite, i think the person did quite alot for me and because of something things turn out the other way. Yet in this case, i must say it's not saddness that i feel, but more of it's such a pity that a friendship has to end like this. Nevertheless, i wish her all the best and she'll always be a part of my memory.

Oh Jay's new album is coming out in taiwan tomorrow i suppose. And i heard his album's name is his mum's name. hmm...

Winamp playing : Tanya - mo sheng ren

Dance to the hospital?

Yesterday night went to cousin's place. The parents went to KL for wedding dinner. So its like i've to look after them for that night. When i reach there i was totally tired cos of my school club crawl. Then, i was lying on the sofa almost in dreamland.. my younger cousin, bryan, was like shaking me frantically shouting , " Kor kor ! amanda is dancing!! she can't stop dancing on the floor", followed by a laughter. I didn't really bother about it, cos i was really tired. But about 5minutes later, i was disturbed by bryan's shouts again. I got up and walk towards his room. And i was SHOCKED to see his sister , amanda shivering on the floor. Her lips were pale. I figured it was Fits. But unfortunately, i've never experience fits and in fact never see one before. I was really loss to what to do. I tried to seek help from the neighbours, but none responded. I resort to calling the ambulance. Afterwhich went to the hospital, on the way, she was fine. However, when we reach the hospital, she was attacked by it again. the doctor says it was due to dehydration and fever. I never knew dehydration would cause fits. But nevertheless, bryan's was in much confusion, wondering how his sister will land up in hospital when she's dancing?

The parent's should be back today, meanwhile i've to head to the hospital now to see how's her condition.

Winamp playing : Avril Lavigne - Complicated

this week was totally a bad one

School started, two days for me. So far so good, just that i hate the part when we have to scan to get in to the canteens. Basically, it's like the way we scan to go in to the MRT, with the opening and closing thing upon detection of our cards. Of cos it was much below the standard of the ones at the MRT. My friend, denise got jam in between. And it was hilarious the way he struggle to get himself out. The security guard came to the rescue. After that, there was no need to scan the cards anymore. It was jammed! I was at the fast food canteen the next day. And yea saw this lecturer actually remove the blockage beside the machines and walk through it. Eventually the rest saw, and no one bothers to scan it anyway. uh-huh... sars precaution...

Went to esplanade library yesterday to read up some stuffs. I love the ambience there, and surprisingly i saw raine and her friends there as i was about to leave. can't really remember what's her friends names.. it's been a year since i met her. chat up abit and she offer to pass me some of her notes next week. i really need it! Considering, i'm kinda struggling with some topics. asked to join her for dinner? nah, i pretty much wanted to be alone yesterday. today as well. Took a cab home cos i was carrying too much. And while waving frantically for the cabs after 20 mins of waiting, this woman from nowhere, just brush me off and went into the cab. how gracious. Wasn't really in the mood because some things that happen. It was also that, which makes me understands myself more. I don't understand why isit i'm always the one. When things goes wrong, i'm the one that cause it. In a friendship, i'm the one putting the effort no matter what. why? i always give a damn to every single small things.. i asked myself if i bothers too much? Doing things for pple and yet being blamed cos things don't seem to be of their expectations.. pple come to me with their problems.. and i try to talk to them, console them, telling them i will always be there. Ya guess what? the very next day when their problems are solved or watever, they can't even be bothered about you. And i'm there worrying if they are alright. How stupid. I really thought hard about it. I tell myself, why do i have to care so much? I end up feeling more hurt.

But no matter how i talk myself through, i simply can't. I can't bring myself not to bother about things that comes my way. Perhaps it's because i expect too much, but what's life without expectations? Everyone does that.. in fact its a every day kinda thing. My grandma used to tell me, if people don't appreciate, let it be, don't expect that they one day will. cos they will never. She told me don't hold on to things, as everything is impermanent. She told me it is impossible to most pple because they fear of being hurt. And i simply agree on that. It's the same when u feel something for the opposite, but we don't say anything cos we're gripping with the fear of what will turn out of the relationship.

i wonder if they ever think of me if they don't meet a problem. i wonder if she miss me as much as i miss her. I wonder if they still remember i'm a part of them. i wonder.

Winamp playing : Boyz II Men - The color of love

Bread - If

If a picture paints a thousand words
Then why can't I paint you?
The words will never show
For you I've come to know.
If a face could launch a thousand ships
Then where am I to go?
There's no one home but you
And now you've left me too.
And when my love for life is running dry
You come and pour yourself on me
If a man could be two places at one time
I'd be with you.
Tomorrow and today
Beside you all the way
If the world should stop revolving
Spinning slowly down to die.
I'd spend the end with you
And when the world was through...
Then one by one, the stars would all go out.
Then you and I, would simply fly away.

It's around 10am in the morning, time for me to sleep... so tired, and my emotions got me carried away with some other stuffs.

Updates at sharon au's website.

Winamp playing : Bread - IF

Iranian twin dies after separation surgery

As i recalled, during a interview the twins said that the first thing they wanna do after the operation is to see each other face to face. Somehow, though i'm not related to them, i feel kind of heart-aching. 29years of being together as 1, and now that they are somewhat undergoing the separation, one dies. Is it fate? Just praying that one will survive, though i heard the chances are very slim.

Please pray for Laleh Bijani ....

[18.59] two dead. :(

Winamp playing : MLTR- nothing to lose

Dance practice

Went back to school for dance practice today. Had to take temperature again, but with the help of the thermal scanners it was much faster and easier. Canteens are fenced up, everywhere you go you have to scan your cards. Just imagine you forgot your card one day.

Dance today was bad bad bad! Only 3 of us turn up, cos the rest have got classes or whatever excuses they came up with. So for the whole afternoon, we were just trying to figure out the music and part of the steps.

Bad day... :(

Winamp playing : Usher - If i want to

End of work, back to school ?

My last day of work ended yesterday. Kinda sad though... :( school's gonna start. Cca orientations, and so on! oh ya, my timetable really turns me off! I've classes that ends at 9+pm! arghh i hate it!!! How am i going to find another part time job.. sighh

I'm at jean's house today, cos she's sick. Poor girl.. feeling so weak. Jacelyn is coming over later with Tim! I'm kinda feeling very bored here. What i did was to take her temperature once every two hours, cook some porridge for her. Apparently, i dun have to worry if it tastes good in any way. A sick person usually lost her sense of taste. haha... i spend the whole night awake till now with just 2 hours of slp. I just can't get myself to slp and my eyes practically opened wide! And all i stick to was my stack of notes... and i was so bored that i ended up helping her sweep and mop the floor. she stays alone for that matter..

I can't wait to get hold of this week 8days magazine! Sharon Au's on the coverpage! Grab a copy of it soon! :)

Winamp playing : Five for fighting - Superman

My weekends

Saturday
had a mini gathering with my friends. In the noon, went to dav's house to look for his sis, tammy, cos long time didn't see her already.
still as cute as ever.. :) was talking and playing with her till i almost late to meet the rest of my friends to go marina. Went marina to fly kite!
jacelyn was the one who organise this outing, response was not bad, abt 16 of us turn up. tat shows how much "mei li" she has! at least.. haha.
We went there with 3 kites and return with 1 kite. so pathetic. i used to fly kite when i was young with my siblings, it seems much more easier than
now.. anyways after tat we went for steamboat. yumm! afterwhich, james, robin and i went over to daven's place to stay over. We played ps the
whole night, and to realise dav's got an exam to study for!

Sunday
Left dav's house at 8+am, went to andrew's house for a meeting, went swimming with vincent in the afternoon. Afterwhich, suddenly received a call from
my elaine's mum. Elaine's my ex-gf. ya, the mum invited me to go over for dinner. I actually met the mum at the supermarket one or two weeks ago, that's how she got my contact no again. Elaine's now in Australia, don't think she had any idea i went over to her place after 2-3 years? I didn't wanted to go
but yet part of me didn't wanna reject again. Hence, i went. Her dad had gone for a business trip, so it was just a simple dinner with her mum and sister. Less pressure. The place didn't changed much, except for the new fish tank, least that's what i remember of that place.. As usual, her mum said i've changed. 2-3 years isn't that long but pple change due to the environment they're in. Dinner was good and i stupidly promised for more dinners in the future. After dinner, the mum drove us to haagen-daz for ice-cream at the esplanade. It was a simple evening that we spend together, not much was spoken, but we all knew what's on each other's mind.

Winamp playing : Lonestar - i'm already there

The tension of opposites

Extracted from Tuesdays with morrie - Part 1

"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.

"A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle."

Sounds like a wrestling match, i say.

"A wrestling match." He laughs. " Yes, you could describe life that way."

So which side wins, i ask?

"Which side wins?"

He smiles at me, the crinkled eyes, the crooked teeth.

"Love wins. Love always wins."


Winamp playing : Evan & Jaron - The distance

Happpy birthday mel !

mel's birthday is like a reminder to me that my birthday will be exactly a month away.. 24/7 just reminds me of alot of things.... i'm so tired now.. and ya i'm blogging in the office.. hoho!

Anyone got their ndp tickets? so sad i don't think i got mine... :( by the way i was reading an article in the straits times, it's a survey conducted by a university in 23 cities. and in that survey singapore was placed the last 21 cities, one spot above new york. Cities that are moving in a slower pace of life were the friendliest places. I do agree with Pro.Tommy Koh, that Singaporeans tend to mind their own business, we aren't warmth and most of the time pple just can't be bothered. Who cares if you have an injured leg or your pen drops? Perhaps Singaporeans are more of the conservative types, they dare not approach strangers, i guess one thing they fear is ------- rejection. Think about it, when appeals for donations to NKF, courage funds can be so successful, why are small acts of kindness being neglected?

Winamp playing

Saturday morning..

I just heard from my uncle my brother will be going to Pennsylvania to pursue his degree end of july. His dream had finally came true.. i think he's studying some life science stuffs, which is totally not something i will study.. I guess that's the difference between us.

I'm going to pop down to sentosa later for the funtasea thing with my cousins. It's like a family thing, so most probably i won't join them for the games. I'll probably join some groups playing volleyball, it'll be better if i see some familiar faces. I use to make friends while joining with other groups at volleyball. Used to have 'friendly match' against different groups. Can't wait for sentosa to revamp, can't really do much there accept for the beach.. oh yea, there's a courage fund concert today at sentosa too.. oh it'll be damn crowded!

Brought my cousins to watch finding nemo yesterday evening, the show's not too bad.. the graphics is excellent! nemo is very cute and somehow i felt dory resembles my friend, daven.. hahah.. short term memory.. went swensens for ice-cream after that, the last time i went there was like a year back or more.. the menu is still the same, and there's nothing new.. so boring..

Feeling quite bored at this moment, suppose to meet John to go gym but it'll be kinda rush... yawnz.. gonnna go make some pancakes..hah... i hear my stomach...

Winamp playing : Darius - Colourblind

some gossips of star search

been a week since i blog? hmm, was actually enjoying myself so much at the camp and after it as well. i'm currently still working, planning to quit soon.. and helping my friend over his project. i'm doing the script and so on... geez...i realise how much i enjoy the photography and filming, yes! script-writing! I've really learn alot.. i've saw the advertisement on the upcoming starseach 2003? I hope at least one singaporean can make it as the champ! I quite like f1, she can sing pretty well, she doesn't seem like she can act well though.. There's this fann wong look-alike from china? not really that alike actually but the first glance at a certain view.. oh not forgetting this malaysian contestant call Dai Qianyun, she's like so cute! i mean she bring herself out very well, confident... haha...hopefully i get the chance to watch the finals next week! It's really a competition, everyone is really outstanding in their own way!

oh there's chemistry today! cheers!

Winamp playing : Rui En - Shi shui

special events at sentosa

Aunt called yesterday, told me to go along with them for this funtasea event at Sentosa. It's organised by kids central, just went to find out more about it. feel so much like a child once again, sandcastle-building competitions ...treasure hunts... And as i was surfing on it, i read about the upcoming " Courage Fund Charity Concert" , just when i thought the collection of funds are over.. hmm and 5566 as well as other artistes will be performing as well.. 5566? not again? .....

[1408] stupid bimbo is back.. better get of this first before she starts complaining again.

[1639] going off from work. tired. gonna go home slp. my mum just came to office for meeting. fated.


Winamp playing

At work

Got my exam results, no need for (S) paper! *phew*. Been a little busy after that night. Went for my cycling camp the very next day, was really fun! I love cycling at night! I made a new friend - Adrain. totally adventurous guy, who climbs mountains, backpacking and scuba dives and so on! Now i know who to look for when i ever go for my first backpacking or even to say climb mountains?

I've been helping my dad at work these few days and i never really had a break till now. ( he's out with my uncle ), that leaves me some time to blog and so on.. I've never exactly know what my dad is doing, even right now when i'm helping him. My mind is blank. The people here working seems rather motivated and each of them makes efforts to perform their task well. Despite the fast pace at work, deadlines and stress they faced, they are always putting on a smile. And whenever i see that, i feel a warm glow of friendliness and motivated as well.

I manage to see my mum at work yesterday after so long. months. She's still as pretty as ever, more fashionable, capable .. i've so much to say to her but yet when i see her i can't seem to get the words out. Just when i was to say something, my dad called for her.

I slump deeper in my chair, that's all i need now. I'm going for my camp next week, therefore i must finished up my work today by monday.

Winamp playing : The foundations - Build me up a buttercup

Through a child's eyes

The world is an adventure, there's so many things to see, the search for buried treasure, climbing high up in a tree. Finding shells along the seashore, playing marbles in the sand, skipping stones across a pond, throwing as far as you can. Playing a game of hide and seek, way back out in the woods, pretending your a robber, and stealing all the goods. Wading barefoot in a creek, and trying to catch a frog, or going to your favorite park, and playing frisbee with your dog. And as I sit and wonder, it comes as no supprise, how little things can seem so big, seen through a childs eyes.

Winamp playing : lu qiao ying - hao xin fen shou

New song added

i added a song " when you say nothing at all ". Exams results gonna be out in like 6-7 hours? arghhh.. i'm so scared! wish me luck! :) The image that i just added is finally up, yes, and i admit it sux pretty much... leave it for the moment... oh yea, if the song hurts your ears, you can go to the other some box, scroll down and click on "stop". gonna go jogging now!

Winamp playing : When you saying nothing at all

Purplish

So tired of big blogs, and the stupid banner. Nothing nice, just something simpler.. This weekend is bad, i'm so sick from head to toe.. hmm toe? well...maybe it will soon be.. anyway the site might not work well.. can't seem to link the BIG pic properly.. but well can't really be bothered by it now.. heh..

First day of a brand new month... a month of excitement, sheer hard work and more... yes! exams results gonna be out.. sighh... prays prays!

Nothing much to blog when i'm sick..

Winamp playing : Joey Lawerence - Stay forever

Have you got the blues ?

I didn't talk to anyone accept the customers today. I'm very tired, i'm gonna take my medicine and sleep. That's an escape.

Today's timothy's bday! Happy birthday dude! :) i'll rem that mini countdown... :D

Winamp playing : Nora Jones - cold cold heart

Bookcravers

Check this out! Book Craves Good deal?

but do they just have 1 book for each title? weird..


Winamp playing : Stevie b - when i dream about you

A story from Yin Yue Ri Ji - 93.3fm

Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for
those who fear,
too long for those who grieve, too short for those
who rejoice,
but for those who love, time is eternity."

My husband is a scientist by profession. I love him
for his rock-steady
nature, and I love the warm feeling while I lean
against his broad shoulder.

Three years in the courtship, and now, two years
into marriage, I have to
admit, I am getting tired. Reasons for loving him
have now transformed into
the cause of my restlessness. I am a sentimental
woman; thus sensitive and
fragile when it comes to relationships and feelings.
I yearn for romantic
moments, like a little boy yearning for candy. My
husband is a complete
contrast; his lack of sensitivity, and above all,
his inability to bring
romantic moments into our marriage, has disheartened
me.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision,
that i want a divorce
"Why?" he asked, shocked.
"I am tired, and there aren't reasons for everything
in the world" I
answered.

He kept silent, deep thoughts the whole night with
cigarette lit throughout.

My disappointment intensified. A man who can't even express his anguish, his
hopes that I'd stay on... what else can I hope from
him?Finally he asked, "
What can I do to change your mind?"

Somebody said it right, it's hard to change a
person's personality, and I
guess, I have started losing faith in him. Looking
deep into his eyes, I
slowly answered : "Here is a question, if you can
find the answer in my
heart, I will change my mind. If I see a flower on a
mountain cliff and I
really love it, and in picking the flower, it's sure
to cause death, will
you do it for me?"

He said :" I will give you your answer tomorrow..."
My heart just sank on
hearing his response.

The next morning, he was not around when I awoke. I
saw a piece of paper
with his characteristic messy scribble. It goes:

"Dear,
I would not pick that flower for you, but please
allow me to further tell
you my reasons," The first sentence has already
broken my heart.

I continue reading.

"You often type using the computer and always crash
the PC system, then end
up crying before the monitor; so I have to save my
fingers so that I can
help to restore the programmes.

You always misplace the house key; thus I have to
save my legs to rush home
to open the door for you.

You love travelling but always lose your way in a
new city; I have to save
my eyes to lead you the way.

You always has the cramp whenever your "good friend"
approaches every month;
I have to save my palm so that I can soothe the
cramps at your tummy.

You like to stay indoors, but I worry that you will
be infected by infantile
autism. Because of that, I have to save my mouth to
tell you jokes and
stories to cure your boredom.

You always stare at the computer screen, and that is
no good for your eyes.
I have to save my eyes so that when we grow older, I
can help to clip your
nails,and help to remove those annoying white hairs.

I will hold your hand, stroll down the beach, enjoy
the sunshine and the
beautiful sand, tell you the colour of flowers which
look just like the glow
on your young face...

Thus, my dear, before I am sure that there is
someone who loves you more
than I do, I would not pick the flower, or die.. "

My tears dropped on the letter and the words
blurred. I continued to read...

"And now, dear... you have finished reading my
answer. If you are satisfied
with these answers, please open the house door, for
I am standing out here
with your favorite bread and fresh milk...

I rushed to pull open the door. His anxious face
appeared, with his hand
holding tight to the glass of milk and the piece of
bread...

Oh I am sure no one will ever love me as much, and I
have decided to leave
the flower alone...

That's life, or some say, love. When one is surrounded by love and the
excitement fade aways, and one tends to overlook the
true love that lies
between the peace and dullness.

Love appears in any form; very miniscule and even
corny form. It has never
been a model, it could be the most unglamourous,
undramatic. Flowers,
romantic moments... These are all on the surface of
the relationship.

Beneath all it, the pillar of true love stands...

Winamp playing : Matchbox twenty - unwell

Sleepy Sunday

I feel so sleepy today, no idea why.. so tired that i can hardly open my eyes. But when i lay down on my bed i cant sleep..argh! so here i'm blogging. I'm on leave today! i hardly exercise this weekend! so gonna go play squash with John later!

Oh American Idol last week, Ruben Studdard won! But i thought clay has a clear, soothing voice! His songs are nice , but most of my frens said he sounds like he's singing in a church or something.. well maybe! But i think clay is much better than ruben..

Been listening to "Yin Yue Ri Ji" on 933fm, it's ard 8pm on weekdays. Some of the stories are really touching, the Dj, ling zhi really did a good job in reading it, and together with the background music, it can really make you feel ... in fact few days ago i recieve and email on one of the stories which was quite touching, maybe i'll post it tomorrow or something.. :)

Went to KFC with Jeremy yesterday! I hardly visit fast food restuarants but it was total crowded in town yesterday that i've no choice. We went to the Taka outlet! The counter crews were slow, very slow! and the queue was long, and waiting to eat something i didn't really want to was killing me! But jeremy was the opp of me! He's like the chicken king of kfc! It's like a daily or weekly meal to him! The thought of it turns me off! While queuing we were talking about the advert of the KFC "buddy meal" and we decide to order our food by immitating it, the very last two pple in the ad! So when it was our turn, we said " one buddy meal! "at the same time, and the person was like, one or two? .....

Squash!! Where's my racket?? damn it!

Winamp playing : Cake - Perhaps Perhaps Perhaps

Something short

I'm planning for my camp now, and i've got the t-shirts ready.
My friends was asking me to go for the OGL camp or meeting for the new batch of freshies. kinda lazy to go.. it's never interesting anyway.. if you consider having orientation in school..
Will be going off my camp really soon! Meanwhile i was thinking to do something to my blog. It's pretty hot and i cant take it anymore! Going to gym now!

Winamp playing : Lighthouse Family - high

Burning day

Wow man! the weather's like freaking hot!!!! arghhh! Just came back from swimming training! skin's like burning now.. Trying to get my fingers fast on the keyboard, i need to finish typing my report in half an hour's time then i've to go for a meeting!

Had a great weekend! On saturday, went meet my cousins, went marina for steamboat.. meet frens for pool at night and supper at newton. Then went to Ronald's house to stay over and then the next morning went for tennis, then go meet up with another group of frens at holland v - brego.. yumm! The cafe and sandwich bar! :) Oh man! The moment i saw samantha i was like oh strawberry head! hahah.. her hair is like pInk? oh yea she just came back from states for hols. Basically everyone came with a small surprise..:D was really funn and oh i'm getting ready for the camp! :D

Got to go finish up my last bit of report. Facing so many problems now.. arghh...

Winamp playing : Coldplay - The scientist

Reflection

Few more hours to go before my paper! kinda drained out already, and i'm neither physically, mentally, emotionally ready for the paper. Yes, been revising and so on, but i guess that doesnt help much. I've been so tired recently, running errands for my dad, which adds to my busy schedule and yup the sleepless nights? I'm just getting used to it.

Everyone around me are facing some problems somehow, emotionally. I dunno, i might just be influence by it or perhaps it just happens to me. Usually in my darkest hours, i have the habit of thinking about things.Maybe that's why i'm more to keeping things to myself, at least most of the time. I realise it's not easy finding someone whom you can pour out to, not because you cant trust the person or anything like that, it's just because everyone is occupied with their stuffs, who will wanna give a damn to your problems? Afterall, most of the time they won't be able to solve your problem. But i think listening is more important than just talking. Due to my work schedules, i seldom find the time to actually meet up with my friends and so on. In fact, recently i just receive a call from a fren of mine, pretty close. She called, told me that i've kinda neglected my friends and so on, which i also agree. I've not been able to meet up my friends, besides those from work, project..etc. Everyday, i just have to reject different people etc, feel kinda bad, but what choice do i have? There's like things that we can't always keep the same like before, that's what i told her. Everyone is living their lifes differently, we've our own things to work for. Nevertheless i still miss the much more relaxed time with my friends, who won't? when things were just fun, laughter and more .. everything gonna change isnt it? well, i guess now i just need to do more socialising... and i really want to.

Later in the afternoon would be all for my cousins, probably at night might meet up with some friends, i guess i need a break. Not from work, but something else too...
Alright, need to go off to meet my dad to pass him stuffs. Happy weekends everyone!

Winamp playing : Travis - Flower in the window