It's what you see that stays, not what you feel ?

Yesterday i was out studying with nick at burger king at marina, went to the library late and couldn't grab a seat during this study-peak period. Today's was the first paper, i just can't wait for my semestral exams to end and i'll have one burden off me. I was thinking to do a new layout as i've always wanted to, just can't seem to find the time. I know i will one day. After hours of studying yesterday, i went for a walk around Suntec city with Nick and Jeslyn who joined us later.

While i was walking in Carrefour, i heard this little boy who was screaming, followed by loud cries. He was pleading his mum to buy this toy ( sort of like a gameboy) or wat sort. But the mum just ignored him and said ' we'll have to go buy kor kor's shoes, so you can have his shoes now' Well, i too came across that, being the youngest in the family, i always get the old pair of sneakers of my brother's when he get brand new ones. Back then, i just thought ' i just never wanna be wearing his shoes, i want new new new shoes!' But never did i , only till i became older, old enough to get my first pair of shoes with my savings. Since young, i never wanna be in my brother's shoes. The thing is we're different, we have different taste, which is true, we lead different lifestyle, we pursue different things. However strangely enough, i seem to be living in the shadow of his. Just like how i always get to wear his old shoes. Perhaps he was indeed a good role model, but what i want others to see me is for who i am not who they want me to be. Is that just so difficult?

Monday evening , after a straight 7 hours of studying , i went for a stroll along esplanade. Once again, i begin to start sketching, not of the place, just my thoughts. It was one of those ways, i released the stress in me. During the process of drawing, i saw this tall, strong-build, be-spectacled guy standing just right infront of me. He looks familiar and I started to recall, and learnt that it was my sister's boyfriend, i met at my workplace. He's was alone i assume. He came over to talk to me, everything was fine just that i didn't really like the sight of him. A little bit of arrogance, and probably his 'fake-accent' all rolled into one. He was the one doing the talking , since i didn't have anything much to talk to him about. He starts talking about my sister. I'm not the one to judge but least i thought he's just not the one for my sister, in comparison with my sis ex-bf. There were silence between us for a long time and he suddenly said, 'your sis spoke alot to me about you' I replied, ' nothing nice i believe'. Silence again. This time, i just didn't wanna hear anymore, slung my bag across and stand to leave. He stood up too. With his accent again , he raised his voice ' don't be a coward, you idiot!' I pushed his hand away and to my amaze when i turned back i saw my sister. I knew it needed no explanation for my last action, afterall i was never given a chance to explain. I left with the picture of my sis's angry face still in my mind. That was all in her eyes, and i knew it was - hatred.

Suddenly, little things like that didn't mattered as much as before. I use to try hard to explain myself, but as things builds up, i just let it be for i know ' That was all in her eyes'

I read about this and decided to share.

Picture the funeral. Look at the mourners. Some did not even know me well, yet they came. Why? did you ever wonder? Why people gather when others die? Why people feel they should?
" It is because the human spirit knows, deep down, that all lives intersect. That death doesn't just take someone, it misses someone else, and in the small distance between being taken and being missed , lives are changes.

Time to go for work and then tuition. Meanwhile, all the best to those taking exams.


Winamp playing : My self-composed piano remix