this week was totally a bad one

School started, two days for me. So far so good, just that i hate the part when we have to scan to get in to the canteens. Basically, it's like the way we scan to go in to the MRT, with the opening and closing thing upon detection of our cards. Of cos it was much below the standard of the ones at the MRT. My friend, denise got jam in between. And it was hilarious the way he struggle to get himself out. The security guard came to the rescue. After that, there was no need to scan the cards anymore. It was jammed! I was at the fast food canteen the next day. And yea saw this lecturer actually remove the blockage beside the machines and walk through it. Eventually the rest saw, and no one bothers to scan it anyway. uh-huh... sars precaution...

Went to esplanade library yesterday to read up some stuffs. I love the ambience there, and surprisingly i saw raine and her friends there as i was about to leave. can't really remember what's her friends names.. it's been a year since i met her. chat up abit and she offer to pass me some of her notes next week. i really need it! Considering, i'm kinda struggling with some topics. asked to join her for dinner? nah, i pretty much wanted to be alone yesterday. today as well. Took a cab home cos i was carrying too much. And while waving frantically for the cabs after 20 mins of waiting, this woman from nowhere, just brush me off and went into the cab. how gracious. Wasn't really in the mood because some things that happen. It was also that, which makes me understands myself more. I don't understand why isit i'm always the one. When things goes wrong, i'm the one that cause it. In a friendship, i'm the one putting the effort no matter what. why? i always give a damn to every single small things.. i asked myself if i bothers too much? Doing things for pple and yet being blamed cos things don't seem to be of their expectations.. pple come to me with their problems.. and i try to talk to them, console them, telling them i will always be there. Ya guess what? the very next day when their problems are solved or watever, they can't even be bothered about you. And i'm there worrying if they are alright. How stupid. I really thought hard about it. I tell myself, why do i have to care so much? I end up feeling more hurt.

But no matter how i talk myself through, i simply can't. I can't bring myself not to bother about things that comes my way. Perhaps it's because i expect too much, but what's life without expectations? Everyone does that.. in fact its a every day kinda thing. My grandma used to tell me, if people don't appreciate, let it be, don't expect that they one day will. cos they will never. She told me don't hold on to things, as everything is impermanent. She told me it is impossible to most pple because they fear of being hurt. And i simply agree on that. It's the same when u feel something for the opposite, but we don't say anything cos we're gripping with the fear of what will turn out of the relationship.

i wonder if they ever think of me if they don't meet a problem. i wonder if she miss me as much as i miss her. I wonder if they still remember i'm a part of them. i wonder.

Winamp playing : Boyz II Men - The color of love